i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
