ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize