someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
