I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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