I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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