Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She bit a glass in half.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
