I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
