I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
