I'm gonna have a badass scar
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
please come you make the beer taste better
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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