Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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