apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
