Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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