so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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