Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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