I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
