I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
