i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
