This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
