shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
