I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize