you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize