Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
