508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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