ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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