we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
