i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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