3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
