Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
