Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
