can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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