I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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