I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize