i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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