Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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