No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
