the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
