to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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