she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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