i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
