I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
