My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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