Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
