We won't sleep together?
You just made me feel so damn special
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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