im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
