whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
