sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize