these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
