I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
