walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The ass gains better be worth it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
