It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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