its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize