it's too hot outside to masturbate.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
