You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
