Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
