Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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