I bet he comes in French.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
