I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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