Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
