we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
