SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
