Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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