Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
