They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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