She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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