But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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