I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
