she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
