I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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